WHY I LOVE VALENTINE'S DAY

Valentine's Day is coming. For those of you with significant others, that usually means some sort of night on the town and a gift or two - the more significant the other, the more impressive the dinner and the gift. Admittedly many people are largely indifferent to this holiday, but there are some for whom it is a Big Deal, people who plan their year around this one day. These people fall into two categories. The first group (and here I am referring to girls) is the delirious group. These are the people who begin planning months in advance to make sure they have the Perfect Day. They do this by watching romantic movies and reading novels you can buy in a grocery store until they believe that this is the way the world actually works. These are the same people who are singularly responsible for driving the wedding industry. The other group (and here, again, I am referring to girls) hates the first group. These people also have very elaborate Valentine's Day plans. These often include a gathering of like-minded individuals who spend the evening mocking the poor sods who actually buy into the holiday, making brownies, and occasionally burning effigies of the opposite sex. Some historians think the Salem Witch Hunts began as a result of one of these gatherings that got out of control (though other historians have argued against this by pointing out that the Puritans didn't celebrate Valentine's Day because Hallmark didn't exist at the time). Despite the mutual antagonism of these two groups, their members switch places often. The intensity of their allegiance to the new group is usually inversely proportional to the amount of time it has been since they were members of the old group.

I, too, await the holiday this year with great expectations. Though, being male, I fall into neither of the aforementioned categories. My interest in the day is an indirect result of the relationship of two of my good friends, Erik and Molly. The priest who married them probably thought Valentine's Day was covered under the bit about "for better or for worse." I think he should have mentioned it separately. The two of them seem to have difficulties with Valentine's Day, or indeed any romantic day in which gifts are exchanged. This happens for a number of reasons. First, Molly fits into the first category of Valentine's celebrators, although, in her defense, she is one of their less fanatic members (but I do believe it is possible she only got engaged to Erik so she would have an excuse to look through wedding books). In other words, she has high expectations for Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, Erik is male and while this is useful enough in other aspects of their relationship, it does not help his judgement regarding gifts. This is further compounded by the fact that along with being male, he is also a computer scientist. Now I know that there are lots of male computer scientists out there who do just fine when it comes to buying gifts for their significant others. Erik is not one of them. This is due in large part to the fact that he does not have a clear grasp of the concept of "romantic."

Exhibit A: The gift he gave Molly for Valentine's Day the first year I knew them. He gave her, and I am not making this up (not even exaggerating a little), a statue of a hooded death figuring looming over a grave and raising a skeleton-soldier from the dead. The whole thing is about half a foot tall. Needless to say (for everyone but Erik), this isn't exactly what Molly was hoping for. As far as Halloween statuettes go, it's pretty cool. As far as Valentine's Day gifts go, well...not so much. She kept it at his apartment...

Exhibit B, three years later. He hasn't gotten a whole lot better. For their anniversary that year, their sixth since they started dating (I think), he bought her a triple segmented silver ring that covers her entire finger, accented with blue gems and ending in a claw. Very expensive and very cool, but again lacking in the romantic department (though she did actually keep this one at her place). By this time, however, Molly knew what to expect and had her own gift picked out with that in mind. She bought him a color changing angel for the top of the Christmas tree. For most couples, this would have been a lovely gift. Except that in this case, Erik is atheist and believes in neither angels nor Christmas trees.

And it is exchanges like this that make Valentine's Day such an exciting time for me.