SNOWMEN

I went snowboarding with a group of friends this weekend. Snowboarding, for those of you unfamiliar with the concept (which is probably none of you, but for the sake of discussion I am going to ignore that little fact), is kind of like skiing, only not. It is like skiing in that the ultimate purpose is to slide rapidly down snow covered slopes. Not like skiing in that there's only one plank, and that one missing plank changes things significantly (like, say, removing one wheel from a bicycle might make the bike riding experience a little different).

Of course, I wore all the required layers (including the all important puffy snowpants) that skiers and snowboarders share. To that, I added the snowboard boots. They're kind of like moonboots only . . . okay so they're almost exactly like moonboots. Thus attired, I trudged out into the snow and started to attach myself to my board. First, I strapped in my right foot. Most people strap their left foot in first but I happen to be what is called "goofy-footed." What that means technically is that I use my left foot to steer instead of my right. What it means practically is that my "friends" get to make comments like "GOOFY footed, huh? Well I, for one, am not at all surprised that you're GOOFY footed. huh huh" You know you're thinking of a few similar comments. Go ahead, make your "goofy" jokes here. I'll wait. Done? I'll wait some more. Okay, I'm not waiting any longer, whether you're done or not . . .on with my story...

So, with my right foot firmly strapped in (and I do mean firmly), I proceeded to strap in my left foot, also quite firmly. This was to ensure that my legs could no longer move independently of one another. I promptly fell down. Actually, this is not the first time I've been boarding (it's somewhere around my fifth), so once I got back on my feet and got moving, I fell down again. This happened several times. There is lots of falling down early in one's snowboarding career (this is where the puffy snowpants are KEY). Dave, for whom this WAS his first time, and I decided to take the double-green trail on our first downhill attempt. Green means gentle, blue means moderate, black means death - or difficult, but at my skill level that amounts to the same thing. Double-green, apparently, means flat.

Our friends waited for Dave and I at the bottom of the slope, having taken a regular green trail. They waited half an hour. Then they went back to the top to look for us again. My roommate found us on his third run. See, double-green is really meant for skiers. Skiers with poles. Really, cross-country skiers with poles. Snowboarders with both legs strapped to a board without poles don't go anywhere fast on flat to almost flat terrain. We did, however, get good at hopping (the snowboard hop is a very amusing thing to witness). There were many places where we had to unstrap one foot and push until we got to the next area that vaguely resembled a slope. We were both sweating pretty seriously by the time we reached bottom. I had a thin film of fog inside my goggles from sweating so much. This is more impressive when you stop to think that it was cold enough outside that the aforementioned film froze to my goggles moments after I took them off. We had a good laugh, and swore never to ride a double-green again. Then we fell down.

The rest of the weekend improved from there. I fell down several more times, but less and less often as the weekend progressed. After two days of practice, I can now do several things on a board that I couldn't before, like turn left (and I thought snowboarding was fun BEFORE I could steer...). Overall, I'd have to say it was a good trip (and thank goodness for puffy snowpants).