ON GENDER ROLES

My schedule is a bizarre and complex algorithm, possibly fractal, beyond the ken of most mortals. Thanks to its twisted format I found myself with four days off last week (after having worked midnight New Year's Eve). For two of those days I was sick. On the third (a Thursday for those of you following along at home), I spent a large part of the day with my girlfriend. We repotted most of my plants. I also did laundry when I got home. On Friday, I put away the laundry then drove my girlfriend and two of her coworkers to a spa, having agreed to chauffeur them around town for a Girl's Day Out (they did not wish to undo three hours of professional relaxation by attempting to navigate DC traffic immediately afterwards). I used the time to take care of several errands, wandering around the mall. This included perusing cards in Hallmark and buying a gift for a friend. It was somewhere around the second hour that the Testosterone Police showed up and attempted to confiscate my Man Card.

They read me my list of offenses (this included "getting your hair done" but I would argue it was a "hair cut" which is not the same thing at all) and then allowed me to present my defense. Now, as some of you might have guessed, this has happened to me before. I was lucky the first time, this time I was ready. I showed them what I was reading.
"Fah!" said the first cop, "Batman!" He shook his head in disgust and turned to his partner. "I really thought we had him this time."
"Not only that," I said, "but one of my other errands was to buy a video game accessory."
"Sir?" said the younger cop, "He just said 'errand' and 'accessory.' Surely we can take him in for that, Batman or no Batman."
The older cop shook his head again. "No good. Whatever he called it, it's still for video games. And that comic book, we can't touch a man reading a comic book, not Batman. That's ironclad, right there."
"Oh, and I bought a Daredevil comic book, too."
The older cop just glared at me. I thought the younger cop was going to ask if he could borrow it, but he changed his mind when the older cop glared at him. They didn't say much after that, just gave me the standard warning and promised to be watching me. They were gone before my girlfriend and her friends showed up, ready to move on to the next location. (Just in case, though, I made a point of eating an entire Chipotle burrito for lunch).

I've still got my Man Card. For now, at least.