ROB: 0, HAIR CUTTERY: 6,947
I got my hair cut last week (yes, all of them). At the end, the lady cutting my hair asked if I would like any gel in my hair. I told her, "No, thank you." It's what I always say when I'm asked that question. I'm not sure why I bother.
This is a battle I always lose. Actually, battle isn't quite the right term; that would imply my actions have at least some impact on the outcome. They really don't. I have come to the conclusion that my will in this matter is merely a subject of curiosity to the hair cutters, a fact they find as relevant to my hair cut as say, the number of kangaroos in Australia (50 million). They file this tidbit away, possibly to discuss with their coworkers later, but it does not affect their immediate actions (namely the process of smearing gel in my hair).
I think I might know why. It's my cowlicks. I have two (three if we're counting the one in my beard, but we're not) and they make life difficult for anyone cutting my hair. If the hair around them is too short, it will stick out in all directions. Even when I remember to warn them about the cowlicks, my hair cutters almost never leave it long enough.
This, then, is what I suspect transpires: The hair cutter cuts my hair too short (honestly, it's hard not to). The cowlicks leap into action and give my hair the appearance of having been cut with a katana and combed with an eggbeater. For me to walk out of their shop looking like this would not be good for business. So the hair cutter breaks out the gel or the spackle or whatever compound they plan to use to address the problem and then asks me that perfunctory question whose answer they have no intention of heeding.
That's only speculation, though. Since I have to take off my glasses to get a haircut, I have no idea what really happens. Once my glasses come off you could replace my hair cutter with trained monkeys (or even layman monkeys) and I wouldn't know the difference until they started searching for nits.
In any case, I've resigned myself to the hair gel. I'll still answer "no" when they ask (mostly because it amuses me to tell this story) but I've learned not to expect any real say in the matter.
3 comments:
That's because you go the Hair "Lottery"! Some have suggested that if I complain about going to the Hair Cuttery why don't I go to better place or find a someone who does a good job and request them each time I need a hair cut. There are two reasons, really. First, I am not really willing to exert any additional effort for a hair cut, after a week or two it doesn't really matter how they cut it anyway. Second, if I did that, it would take away the fun of the lottery! One time I got the same lady three times in row and she nearly shaved off all of my hair each time! And they say it's impossible to win the lottery more than once!
I don't think you've really had your hair cut at Hair Cuttery 6,947 times. But since it helped make your point, I'll let it slide...
The people who cut my hair, reputable or of the Cuttery variety, don't even ask if I want gunk in my hair. They must assume that (a) women always have "product" in their hair or (b) it's just so desperately crying out for some chemical enhancement that they won't even embarrass me by asking.
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