PIZZA PIZZA

I am, for those of you who have not yet noticed, something of an odd duck at times. I have several quirks, habits, and preferences that occasionally make my friends shake their heads and wonder if maybe I shouldn't be kept under closer watch. For instance, I do not like Seinfeld. I have nothing against the man personally, but I'm not a fan of the show. I will occasionally quote it at you and I have seen enough episodes that I can pick up most references. I think I used to like it, but I do not anymore. If you turn it on, I'll usually go find something else to do. For this, I have been accused of being un-American.

The topic of discussion today, however, is not Seinfeld, it is pizza. I like pizza. I am, in fact, remarkably unpicky about what goes on my pizza. I'll eat anything. Although I do have to admit that I tend to avoid olives and pepperoni. Avoiding pepperoni is one of those acts that gets raised eyebrows. Where I get squawks of indignation regarding pizza is not the pepperoni, though, it's the cold pizza. I love cold pizza. It is, in my humble opinion, the only way to eat leftover pizza. I absolutely prefer cold pizza to reheated pizza. You might even, if you caught me off guard, get me to admit that there are times when I prefer cold pizza to heated pizza in general (not always, but sometimes). I think cold pizza is the glorious epitome of what is possible in a leftover. All leftovers should taste this good the second time around. And with so little effort! It is an amazing and joyous thing to discover that the food I put in the refrigerator the night before has not lost any of its appeal AND that to partake of this marvelous victual one has only to remove it from the refrigerator and place it in one's mouth. Instant satisfaction. There are no intermediate steps necessary. No plates, no silverware, no pushing that single large button on the microwave, no waiting thirty seconds to a minute for food to heat up! Immediate, simple, delicious: cold pizza is one of my favorite ways to start a Saturday morning.

I have discovered that pizza, like Seinfeld, is one of those inane things about which people can get quite passionate. My fondness for cold pizza is simply a preference in taste, and one that does not inflict itself on others. Just because I choose to eat it that way does not mean others have to (the genius of the slice system), nor is there any smell for them to find distasteful. And yet, hot pizza is one of those things people feel the need to defend. I am not the only person who likes cold pizza, but I do believe we are in a minority. People watching me eat cold pizza feel the need to tell me that there's a microwave nearby, that it works, that it's available, that heating it there doesn't really complicate or slow down the fridge-to-mouth process all THAT much, as if I was only eating cold pizza because I had not yet discovered a way to efficiently heat the pizza. I try to explain that I like my pizza this way, but it's difficult. They shout, they wail, they threaten and cajole. Then they physically attempt to remove the pizza and put it in the microwave for me. There's a scuffle and I have to beat them off with a stick. They cry for a while, and then life goes back to normal, until the next person notices that my pizza is cold. Actually that's not true. People are generally pretty peaceful in their objections. And in the meantime, I finish the pizza at which point they'll shrug, smile, and nod as if they understand, and then tell me I'm weird. But I've heard that before.