On Frightening Things

Being a thoughtful man, I spend a lot of time, you know, thinking. Sometimes I think about school and homework. Sometimes I think about girls my fiancee. But I don't spend all my time thinking about pleasant things. I intend to live forever but I am aware that there are several forces that might impede my efforts to achieve this goal. So I also spend time thinking about my fears, partly because I cannot avoid it, but partly also because I know that in facing my fears I may better prepare myself for the day they are realized.

I share my fears with you now.

Zombies
The undead are a pretty frightening bunch in general. It's sort of their purpose in (un)life. I have a special concern just for zombies, though. This is odd, considering that I enjoy zombie movies, zombie video games, and even zombie books. Perhaps that can be considered an attempt to face this fear, to learn as much about it, so that should a zombie situation arise I will not succumb to panic. And indeed, considering the various advice and tactics I have studied, I believe I will be able to handle myself in such an emergency. Yet still I worry, and I believe it to be justified. Zombies are trouble. We're talking about an enemy that never stops coming (even vampires sleep, and there's that three week window when a werewolf is just another hairy guy), that is completely immune to pain or fear, that cannot be reasoned with, and that can, with a single bite, not just destroy you, but convert you into one of their own (a two man swing for the enemy). If they weren't also slow and stupid we wouldn't stand a chance. As it is, our chances are pretty slim. So yeah, fear the zombies.

Velociraptors
While zombies typify the unstoppable enemy, these guys are the consumate predator. They're fast, they're smart, and they cooperate - more than can be said for a lot of human enemies. They can run faster, leap farther, and track better than just about any other carnivore. Also, they have lots of sharp points they like to stick in their prey. They're vulnerable to things like electric fences and tranquilizer darts, but how many of you own anything like that?

Robots
I wasn't afraid of robots until I saw the commercial that explained how they like to kill old people for their medicine. It is my stated goal to live forever, which means I'll eventually be a really old person. So while they may not be much of a threat to me now, I figured it's prudent to prepare for the time when they are.

Aliens
Some aliens are nice and use weird hand gestures to wish you wealth and a long life. Most, however, are not so friendly. Some like to hunt humans for sport. Some lay their eggs in us. Some just think we're a tasty treat. Even the ones that want to mate with us don't really mean us well (unless you're Kirk, that mating process rarely works out for the humans). Sure there's the occasional A.L.F. or Mork, but your odds of meeting that kind of alien are not good.

Fear Itself
The man who most publicly identified this particular fear even went so far as to claim that it is the only thing worth fearing. I, obviously, don't entirely agree (clearly he never met a zombie) but fear itself is definitely worthy of our respect. Considering that it can cause you to freeze in place when confronted by something trying to harm you, that it can induce various forms of stupidity and self-destruction, I'd say yes, fear itself is a thing worth fearing.

And finally, the worst of them all, the thing I fear most in this world:
Zombie Velociraptor Robot Aliens
I cannot even begin to describe the kind of terror these inspire. Forget fire and ice, THIS is the way the world ends. Gah, I don't even want to talk about it. I shouldn't have written this entry. I'm going to have nightmares for weeks now.