ROB: 0, HAIR CUTTERY: 6,947
I got my hair cut last week (yes, all of them). At the end, the lady cutting my hair asked if I would like any gel in my hair. I told her, "No, thank you." It's what I always say when I'm asked that question. I'm not sure why I bother.
This is a battle I always lose. Actually, battle isn't quite the right term; that would imply my actions have at least some impact on the outcome. They really don't. I have come to the conclusion that my will in this matter is merely a subject of curiosity to the hair cutters, a fact they find as relevant to my hair cut as say, the number of kangaroos in Australia (50 million). They file this tidbit away, possibly to discuss with their coworkers later, but it does not affect their immediate actions (namely the process of smearing gel in my hair).
I think I might know why. It's my cowlicks. I have two (three if we're counting the one in my beard, but we're not) and they make life difficult for anyone cutting my hair. If the hair around them is too short, it will stick out in all directions. Even when I remember to warn them about the cowlicks, my hair cutters almost never leave it long enough.
This, then, is what I suspect transpires: The hair cutter cuts my hair too short (honestly, it's hard not to). The cowlicks leap into action and give my hair the appearance of having been cut with a katana and combed with an eggbeater. For me to walk out of their shop looking like this would not be good for business. So the hair cutter breaks out the gel or the spackle or whatever compound they plan to use to address the problem and then asks me that perfunctory question whose answer they have no intention of heeding.
That's only speculation, though. Since I have to take off my glasses to get a haircut, I have no idea what really happens. Once my glasses come off you could replace my hair cutter with trained monkeys (or even layman monkeys) and I wouldn't know the difference until they started searching for nits.
In any case, I've resigned myself to the hair gel. I'll still answer "no" when they ask (mostly because it amuses me to tell this story) but I've learned not to expect any real say in the matter.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Sunday, January 08, 2006
ON GENDER ROLES
My schedule is a bizarre and complex algorithm, possibly fractal, beyond the ken of most mortals. Thanks to its twisted format I found myself with four days off last week (after having worked midnight New Year's Eve). For two of those days I was sick. On the third (a Thursday for those of you following along at home), I spent a large part of the day with my girlfriend. We repotted most of my plants. I also did laundry when I got home. On Friday, I put away the laundry then drove my girlfriend and two of her coworkers to a spa, having agreed to chauffeur them around town for a Girl's Day Out (they did not wish to undo three hours of professional relaxation by attempting to navigate DC traffic immediately afterwards). I used the time to take care of several errands, wandering around the mall. This included perusing cards in Hallmark and buying a gift for a friend. It was somewhere around the second hour that the Testosterone Police showed up and attempted to confiscate my Man Card.
They read me my list of offenses (this included "getting your hair done" but I would argue it was a "hair cut" which is not the same thing at all) and then allowed me to present my defense. Now, as some of you might have guessed, this has happened to me before. I was lucky the first time, this time I was ready. I showed them what I was reading.
"Fah!" said the first cop, "Batman!" He shook his head in disgust and turned to his partner. "I really thought we had him this time."
"Not only that," I said, "but one of my other errands was to buy a video game accessory."
"Sir?" said the younger cop, "He just said 'errand' and 'accessory.' Surely we can take him in for that, Batman or no Batman."
The older cop shook his head again. "No good. Whatever he called it, it's still for video games. And that comic book, we can't touch a man reading a comic book, not Batman. That's ironclad, right there."
"Oh, and I bought a Daredevil comic book, too."
The older cop just glared at me. I thought the younger cop was going to ask if he could borrow it, but he changed his mind when the older cop glared at him. They didn't say much after that, just gave me the standard warning and promised to be watching me. They were gone before my girlfriend and her friends showed up, ready to move on to the next location. (Just in case, though, I made a point of eating an entire Chipotle burrito for lunch).
I've still got my Man Card. For now, at least.
My schedule is a bizarre and complex algorithm, possibly fractal, beyond the ken of most mortals. Thanks to its twisted format I found myself with four days off last week (after having worked midnight New Year's Eve). For two of those days I was sick. On the third (a Thursday for those of you following along at home), I spent a large part of the day with my girlfriend. We repotted most of my plants. I also did laundry when I got home. On Friday, I put away the laundry then drove my girlfriend and two of her coworkers to a spa, having agreed to chauffeur them around town for a Girl's Day Out (they did not wish to undo three hours of professional relaxation by attempting to navigate DC traffic immediately afterwards). I used the time to take care of several errands, wandering around the mall. This included perusing cards in Hallmark and buying a gift for a friend. It was somewhere around the second hour that the Testosterone Police showed up and attempted to confiscate my Man Card.
They read me my list of offenses (this included "getting your hair done" but I would argue it was a "hair cut" which is not the same thing at all) and then allowed me to present my defense. Now, as some of you might have guessed, this has happened to me before. I was lucky the first time, this time I was ready. I showed them what I was reading.
"Fah!" said the first cop, "Batman!" He shook his head in disgust and turned to his partner. "I really thought we had him this time."
"Not only that," I said, "but one of my other errands was to buy a video game accessory."
"Sir?" said the younger cop, "He just said 'errand' and 'accessory.' Surely we can take him in for that, Batman or no Batman."
The older cop shook his head again. "No good. Whatever he called it, it's still for video games. And that comic book, we can't touch a man reading a comic book, not Batman. That's ironclad, right there."
"Oh, and I bought a Daredevil comic book, too."
The older cop just glared at me. I thought the younger cop was going to ask if he could borrow it, but he changed his mind when the older cop glared at him. They didn't say much after that, just gave me the standard warning and promised to be watching me. They were gone before my girlfriend and her friends showed up, ready to move on to the next location. (Just in case, though, I made a point of eating an entire Chipotle burrito for lunch).
I've still got my Man Card. For now, at least.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
LAZINESS
That's all it is. Well, it's procrastination, which is an insidious form of laziness that disguises itself as good intentions. "It's okay that I haven't done it YET, I'm GOING to do it. Someday." It's a seductive call and one I am pretty much unable to resist. It's something I should work on. Soon, I promise.
In the meantime, if you'd like something to read while you're waiting, perhaps I should continue the series I started what seems like such a long time ago (it probably seems that way because it IS that way).
HOW TO SIT DOWN WITH A GOOD BOOK, PART THREE
In my last post, I mentioned some of the books from my childhood that introduced me to the joys of fantasy. My reader (whose name is Jen) was kind enough to add a few more - specifically "A Wizard of Earthsea" by Ursula K. Le Guin and "A Wrinkle in Time" by Madeleine L'Engle.
Both of these authors were prolific writers with many tales to their names - which brings me to my next list: Authors. And by "Authors" I mean people who wrote lots and lots of books, almost all of which are worth reading and many of which I did read and enjoy in the process of growing from boy to man. See, it's just easier to say "Authors."
Like the previous list this is: not meant to be comprehensive and should be recognized as incomplete (for instance MY list doesn't contain L'Engle, but she would appear for many other people, like Jen); dependent almost entirely on my own personal tastes as I grew up (see previous note); intended to cover a broad range of styles (if you don't like one author, try another on this list); and finally, as fun for adults as for children (moreso in some cases).
Anne McCaffrey
Piers Anthony
Terry Pratchett
Ursula K. Le Guinn
The first two are similar in many ways. Both write fantasy and science fiction, both even find ways to combine the two in some case. And I'm tired of both of them. That's not to say I didn't enjoy them immensely when I started, it's just that I've now read so many of each of their books that I have grown weary of them. These two were tremendously powerful forces on my early reading. I have to mention them, and I do have to recommend them -I just can't recommend that you read ALL of them, or if you do, spread it out a little. I recommend McCaffrey's Pern series and the first few books from Anthony's Xanth series. Pern is a medieval land of dragons but it dwells under a threat entirely unique to McCaffrey. Xanth is a land of puns and magic, an almost tongue-in-cheek exploration of some of the conventions of fantasy that also manages to BE fantasy. They're both fun places to explore.
I did not start reading Terry Pratchett until very recently, the past year or so, but I sometimes have to look in the Young Adult section at the library to find his books. He writes a very silly sort of fantasy, perhaps the sort of fairy tale world Douglas Adams might have created had he not focused on science fiction. Terry Pratchett's Discworld series is generally silly, occasionally poignant, and always a quality read. He applies an eye for the ridiculous and a healthy dose of cynicism to the trappings of fantasy. The result is hilarious but can also be, especially in his later books, thought provoking.
Ursula K. Le Guinn is a much more serious writer. Her writing style feels straightforward. Her books are packed with meaning, but never overburdened by it. They are solid, classic good reads. I have only read three of them, but based on those two I am quite confident recommending the rest.
If you are going to ignore lots of my advice and just pick out a few books here and there instead of reading everything I suggest (I mean, who has the time, right?), read Le Guinn's "A Wizard of Earthsea" and Pratchett's "Small Gods."
It should be noted here that in recommending "Small Gods" I am taking a major step away from one of my primary reading philosophies (namely: read the books in the order that the author wrote them). "Small Gods" is not Pratchett's first book, nor is it one of the first, it's number thirteen. However, the discworld books, while they go in order, are themselves distinct stories and do not need to be read in order to be appreciated. Reading them in order might help, but if you're only reading one, "Small Gods" is one of the best I have read so far and does so standing alone whether you have read the others or not.
Feel free to respond as you see fit to any of these recommendations - add your own authors to the mix. Just be aware that in future installments, I do plan to cover some more "adult" books and authors - but who knows when that will be...
That's all it is. Well, it's procrastination, which is an insidious form of laziness that disguises itself as good intentions. "It's okay that I haven't done it YET, I'm GOING to do it. Someday." It's a seductive call and one I am pretty much unable to resist. It's something I should work on. Soon, I promise.
In the meantime, if you'd like something to read while you're waiting, perhaps I should continue the series I started what seems like such a long time ago (it probably seems that way because it IS that way).
HOW TO SIT DOWN WITH A GOOD BOOK, PART THREE
In my last post, I mentioned some of the books from my childhood that introduced me to the joys of fantasy. My reader (whose name is Jen) was kind enough to add a few more - specifically "A Wizard of Earthsea" by Ursula K. Le Guin and "A Wrinkle in Time" by Madeleine L'Engle.
Both of these authors were prolific writers with many tales to their names - which brings me to my next list: Authors. And by "Authors" I mean people who wrote lots and lots of books, almost all of which are worth reading and many of which I did read and enjoy in the process of growing from boy to man. See, it's just easier to say "Authors."
Like the previous list this is: not meant to be comprehensive and should be recognized as incomplete (for instance MY list doesn't contain L'Engle, but she would appear for many other people, like Jen); dependent almost entirely on my own personal tastes as I grew up (see previous note); intended to cover a broad range of styles (if you don't like one author, try another on this list); and finally, as fun for adults as for children (moreso in some cases).
Anne McCaffrey
Piers Anthony
Terry Pratchett
Ursula K. Le Guinn
The first two are similar in many ways. Both write fantasy and science fiction, both even find ways to combine the two in some case. And I'm tired of both of them. That's not to say I didn't enjoy them immensely when I started, it's just that I've now read so many of each of their books that I have grown weary of them. These two were tremendously powerful forces on my early reading. I have to mention them, and I do have to recommend them -I just can't recommend that you read ALL of them, or if you do, spread it out a little. I recommend McCaffrey's Pern series and the first few books from Anthony's Xanth series. Pern is a medieval land of dragons but it dwells under a threat entirely unique to McCaffrey. Xanth is a land of puns and magic, an almost tongue-in-cheek exploration of some of the conventions of fantasy that also manages to BE fantasy. They're both fun places to explore.
I did not start reading Terry Pratchett until very recently, the past year or so, but I sometimes have to look in the Young Adult section at the library to find his books. He writes a very silly sort of fantasy, perhaps the sort of fairy tale world Douglas Adams might have created had he not focused on science fiction. Terry Pratchett's Discworld series is generally silly, occasionally poignant, and always a quality read. He applies an eye for the ridiculous and a healthy dose of cynicism to the trappings of fantasy. The result is hilarious but can also be, especially in his later books, thought provoking.
Ursula K. Le Guinn is a much more serious writer. Her writing style feels straightforward. Her books are packed with meaning, but never overburdened by it. They are solid, classic good reads. I have only read three of them, but based on those two I am quite confident recommending the rest.
If you are going to ignore lots of my advice and just pick out a few books here and there instead of reading everything I suggest (I mean, who has the time, right?), read Le Guinn's "A Wizard of Earthsea" and Pratchett's "Small Gods."
It should be noted here that in recommending "Small Gods" I am taking a major step away from one of my primary reading philosophies (namely: read the books in the order that the author wrote them). "Small Gods" is not Pratchett's first book, nor is it one of the first, it's number thirteen. However, the discworld books, while they go in order, are themselves distinct stories and do not need to be read in order to be appreciated. Reading them in order might help, but if you're only reading one, "Small Gods" is one of the best I have read so far and does so standing alone whether you have read the others or not.
Feel free to respond as you see fit to any of these recommendations - add your own authors to the mix. Just be aware that in future installments, I do plan to cover some more "adult" books and authors - but who knows when that will be...
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