My good friend Penrock has successfully defended his dissertation. It was a pretty rough defense, and he needed all of the tricks he learned in school in order to survive the ordeal. Apparently, that myo-sim karate class we took in undergrad really came in handy. I wasn't at the defense, but I bet it was ferocious. His attackers included ninjas, monkeys, and even an astronaut with space dementia!
Fortunately, Penrock, or Kenrochet as we sometimes like to call him, is brilliant. He withstood his attackers (they made the mistake of picking the shotty-snipers gametype) and defeated them soundly. Mike is magnanimous and, as a symbol of his graciousness in victory, would probably have been willing to make reasonable changes to his thesis, but the fallen foe was too cowed to even ask.
Mike's advisor (who will probably be played in the movie by James Gandolfini) begged him to remain and help them rebuild. Mike simply put his hand on his advisor's shoulder and told him: "Now you run on home to your department head, and tell him... tell him everything's all right and there aren't any more guns in the valley." Then Mike got on his horse and road away. His advisor ran after him, calling him to come back, but Mike didn't turn around.
We here in Atlanta are all very proud of him. Well done, Doctor Fancysocks!